We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
