So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
