Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
