i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
