Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
