We're facebook friends in real life
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
