I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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