Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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