There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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