he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
