captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
