If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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