Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
