I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
