Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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