I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
