A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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