This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
