Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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