Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
