sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
