(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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