i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
