im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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