Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
