No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
