Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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