Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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