I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
