So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
