I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
