Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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