So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
