like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
