Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
