do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
