When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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