If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
