I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
