she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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