eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
