My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
