I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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