My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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