i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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