Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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