i think i have herpe
just one?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
