nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
