Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
