i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
