so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
