Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
