apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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