I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
