either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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